Coping With Grief, When Pet Has Passed

Coping With Grief,

When Your Pet Has Passed

By The Dog Lady Barks

Your beloved pet has passed, and is now at Rainbow Bridge....healthy, happy, and free from pain, but you are not. With each passing day, your grief, feelings of guilt and anger do not subside. You ask yourself if you, or your veterinarian, could have done more to prolong your pet's life, even though you know it was impossible. If you had to have your pet euthanized, you may begin to wonder if you waited too long, or acted too soon, adding to your feelings of guilt. Your grief may be so profound, that the sight of a pet like you owned, brings on a flood of tears. Is this normal? Will these feelings, and the feeling of emptiness and sadness ever fade?

The loss of a beloved pet, whether sudden and unexpected, or due to a lengthy illness or aging, is something we are never fully prepared for....it is the finality of this loss, that hits us like a ton of bricks. Why? Regardless of how long we had our beloved pet, it was a big part of our daily routine regarding its care, and the companionship we came to love and enjoy. Suddenly, and abruptly, it is gone, leaving a huge void in our lives. Because of this, we may find ourselves rushing home from work, or jumping out of bed early, to take care of our pet's needs, but reality sets in again....our beloved pet is no longer with us. For days afterwards, we may unconsciously expect our pet to suddenly reappear, or everything in our home reminds us of our past pet, again bringing on the tears....all perfectly normal.

Grief becomes a problem for us, when it consumes our every thought, making it difficult to function in our daily lives, for weeks or even months afterwards. Having been through this personally, when I lost my first boxer, Ginger, I found that engaging in a major "pity party," was self-destructive, and it was not going to change things....it was not going to bring Ginger back to me. As a matter of fact, at a time when I needed friends most, I was unwittingly driving them away, by my constant focusing on the death of Ginger....definitely not helpful. The turning point, was when a very close friend said "you know, you are not the only one to have lost a pet." Initially, those words cut through me like a knife, and my response was one of anger....how dare someone say that! But, as the days passed, I came to realize that what my friend said was true. Because she was a true friend, she had done me a favor, by giving me a much-needed kick back to reality.

So, what is reality? Reality is, "death is part of life." When we bring a pet into our home to share our lives with, love and are loved in return, there will come a day when we must say "good-bye." Does this mean we should "forget" our beloved pet? No! Special bonds, whether it be with a human or pet, can never be forgotten, nor should they be. Please visit my page, My Past Dogs.

If you have lost your beloved pet, and your grief is overwhelming, there are things you can do to help yourself through this difficult period of time. However, you must be willing to help yourself, along with the support and comfort of others....don't wallow in self-pity for weeks on end, as I first did....it will not help you. Rather than focusing on your pet's death, focus on the things that brought joy to you, during the life you and your pet shared together....it is just as easy to focus on the "happy," as it is the "sad." Please visit my page, Unable To Let Go, After Your Pet Has Passed?

As a pet owner who enjoyed a very special bond, you will have much to be grateful for, the first being that you were fortunate to have had your companion. Remember all the fun things you did together? How about the funny stuff your pet did?....maybe even the things that were not funny when happening, but in retrospect were hilarious. If trying to recall these things is difficult, write each recollection down....when you do, others will come to mind as well. Write a poem about the pleasant and/or amusing things your pet did....avoid writing a "tear jerker" or reading one at this time. I found that when writing a funny poem, or story about a past pet, it made me smile....that's progress, and a good thing! There are other things to be grateful for too. If your pet lived a long, healthy life, how lucky you were. Even if your pet was diagnosed with a terminal illness, and you were able as I was, to buy extra quality time, both you and your pet were lucky....be thankful, not sad! Maybe you showed your dog in conformation and finished it, or it earned a CD or CDX in obedience, or excelled in agility....memories of proud moments are a wonderful thing to have....enjoy! Perhaps you rescued or adopted your pet, and there were problems you had to work through together, but you were successful....isn't that something to be proud of, and grateful for? You bet it is! Memories such as these are something to cherish, and will always be with you, if you allow them to be. Don't shut out your friends and family, by turning down invites, preferring to stay home. A change of scenery, even if only for a day or weekend, will do wonders for you. Have some vacation time left? Go someplace different with friends or family, and make up your mind to enjoy yourself.

Will it be possible to love another companion? Yes, you can love again, when you are ready, but give yourself time to recover, and only acquire a new companion when you are ready....do not do this because of pressure from others. Visit my page, Will You Be Able To Love A New Companion? Are you being disloyal to your past pet's memory if you acquire another? Absolutely not! You had a lot of love to give, which is why you found the relationship with your past pet a fulfilling one, so why not do it again? Nor sure if you're ready? Consider fostering a needy pet! By doing so, you will be helping yourself and that needy pet....who knows, it may turn out to be your new companion! If your past pet, before it went to The Bridge, could have said to you "love your new companion, the way you did me," it would have. Be a little selfish....don't deprive yourself of the unconditional love from a pet that accepts you at face value, even though you lost your girlish or boyish figure, or your hair and teeth are falling out....that pet could care less....unlike many of our human counterparts. Remember, you are not replacing what you had, you are simply acquiring a new companion, which is a tribute to the love and companionship you enjoyed with your past pet. Did you feel that familiar little nudge? It's your past companion saying "enough already....dry your tears....we will meet again, you just gotta believe."

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